More VMT Homework - The inside of my body

The inside of my body hey, i could approach rhis many different ways. Not sure what im planning to write but i'l try. Right now the thing that comes to mind about this is the state of my health, and the way i feel inside my head and heart. My insides are falling apart. My back is affecting every aspect of my life. A slipped disc, compressed vertebrae, pinched nerves and other big words that just freak me out coz i dont really know fully what it means, i just know its bad. It started with the pain only in my lower back and neck. It has now been affecting so much more. My knees, shoulders, wrists, ribs, its craziness. Bones popping out of place, joints rubbing and clicking every time i move, & do you know what keeps coming into my head? These injuries pobably first occured while they were frying my brain, giving me "ECT" without my consent. All of that happened because i was to fucked in the head. I let myself get to the point where almost all my basic human rights were removed. i was spoken to and treated like dirt in a psych ward, all because i continued to try and end my life. They made me feel worse, their idea of "helping" me left me continuing to try and end my life, but wanting help less. If only i kept my head together, kept myself sane, hid it better from the world, or succeeded with 1 of my multiple attempts on my life. The other part i keep thinking about is my head, my heart and how they feel right now. To be honest i feel like most days im just dying more inside. The pain (mentally) and the thoughts get worse, crazier, more away from where they "should" be. Most days lately it feels like to much. I dont want to be here. It hurts more and more each day. But then also most days there is stil that small part of me, the fighter, the stubborn one who somehow wants to keep fighting and excuse the french but prove all the fuking asseholes wrong who drummed into my head that i was going to be nothing more then a suicide statistic, a drain on the health system, an out of control borderline for life. Despite that never being my only diagnosis i was always just referred to as a "borderline". It really bloody hard when you feel unwell mentally, where everything seems to much, its also really hard and bad when you can no longer go about your normal daily activities the way you used to because your health is so bad. But combining the 2, its not a wonder i spend so much time thinking and believing that there is no point and i cant keep doing this....