More random writings...

The word "dysfunctional" has been commonly used, almost an "acceptable" term to reflect my circumstances. Acceptable in the sense that the "problems" have been identified and labelled, and efforts to "manage" them are being taken. The way i see this is a band-aid attempt to maintain some quality of life...

hmmm...... when i sit here and think about that, alot comes into this head of mine....

Things like not wanting to "manage" my self harming, and wanting to be free from it for a long long time..

Something else to think about... most people who even think about the act of hurting yourself repulses them, it goes against most peoples instinctive parts that a human has to self preserve.... to nurture and care for yourself.
I'm about to meet the 11 week mark, my challenge to go without cutting for the duration of VMT (voice movement therapy). My mum, and friends are supporting me in this, with my mum even offering to put some money towards my tattoo im getting as a reward at the end. Today is the 7th, i only have to last to the 16th and im not even sure i am going to last that long.... i really really want to but stress levels are so damm high and the urges are getting crazy hard to fight....

Something i read recently about self harm said: "self harm is deliberate injury to ones own body. This injury may be aimed at relieving otherwise unbearable emotions" - My reaction was BINGO!  Talk about hitting the nail on my head. Normally when i do give in to the self harm urges it is because the emotions are unbearable, it happens when i feel like nothing else works, it just builds up inside until you feel you will explode and don't know what will happen if you don't cut. Its addictive, its not a healthy habit, its not helpful in the long term, i know all this yet it stil hasn't made me completely stop.Self harming can become a natural response to stresses of day to day life. Your body and mind get so used to turning to this it becomes instinct or habit, you do it without consciously thinking about it or planning it.